Toe Socks

One of the most disturbing things to come out of the 1970s, apart from the Austin Allegro and touchy-feely radio DJs is a free-and-easy attitude toward fashion design.

Seventies fashion brought us flared trousers, wide-glide shirt collars, neckerchiefs – and worst of all – toe socks.

Toe socks, as the name suggests, are the glove of the sock world, where every toe gets its own toe hole at the end of the sock, a concept that borders on insanity that has been declared a blasphemy by at least three different religions.

We’re the kind of people who get dressed in the dark, so the difficulties of toe socks are already clear to us. You’ve got got get them on the right foot, the right way up, then spend valuable seconds that could be spent running for a bus attempting to guide each individual toe into the correct hole. And when they slip out of their holes running for the bus, you’ve then got to guide them all home again, to the obvious disgust of other bus passengers. This has never happened to us, honestly.

Despite all the drawbacks (the greatest of which being that you are singled out as the kind of loon who wears toe socks), these are still sold in considerable quantities to the kind of loon who wears toe socks.

Black gents’ socks from socked.co.uk: Guaranteed free from toes.

Celebrity Wearer: Hi-de-hi’s Su Pollard.