June 10th 2013 |
With Father’s Day just around the corner, you are almost certainly on the verge of panic-buying a last-minute present for the old man.
Relax. Just about everybody who has a father is panic-buying a present for their dad, so you’re not alone. Studies show that 93% of Father’s Day presents are bought after 5pm on the day before.
The average father has simple needs, which – paradoxically – makes it difficult to choose the ideal Father’s Day gift. Boiled down to its simplest terms, all dad wants is to be left alone for just one day, and something that doesn’t have “World’s Best Dad” printed on it in large, jaunty block capitals.
You can forget, then, anything that is advertised on television as “The ideal gift for Father’s Day”, because it almost certainly nothing of the sort. The latest of these outrages is a three CD collection of trucking songs, which your father will destroy with fire, even if he drives a truck for a living.
If your father IS a truck driver, we’d heartily recommend the 600 page blockbuster that is the Encyclopaedia of Truck Driving Serial Killers, but we expect he’s got it already (joke).
You may be tempted by beer and chocolate. These may be initially welcomed by the old man, but they are cheap and short-lived. In the words of Forrest Gump: “Life is like a box of chocolates. One box in ten thousand contains an enraged weasel with rabies.”
Unless you want to kill your dad with rabies, avoid the beer and chocolate route.
We’ve thought long and hard about this, and it is our firm conclusion that the idea Father’s Day present is one where you don’t actually have to see the old fella (see “Leave me alone for just one day”) and a long-lasting gift that doesn’t contain the words “World’s Best Dad” in large jaunty block capitals.
To this end, we offer you the chance to delight and amaze your dad with a subscription from socked.co.uk. A present that keeps on giving, it’s the ideal gift for Father’s Day, Christmas, Easter, his birthday and probably Hallowe’en as well.
Say no to dads with rabies. Buy socks.