December 13th 2012 |
The socked.co.uk Gentleman’s Guide to Pregnancy
With Britain’s top gentleman the Duke of Cambridge soon to become a father for the first time, we felt it both important and appropriate to educate this great country of ours on the importance remaining a gentleman throughout the difficult nine months of their significant other’s pregnancy.
These are important months for any relationship, and it is important for the father/gentleman not to make them a depressing chore by being an inattentive slob. We have therefore split this guide – for good reason – into two parts:
The Socked Guide to Pregnancy if you are Prince William, Duke of Cambridge:
1. Be second in line to the throne, and get loads of time off work and a team of flunkies to decorate the nursery. Be effortless in your behaviour and continue to smile at the photographers morning, noon and night. Well done, sir. You have our admiration, and if your are ever in need of emergency sock supplies, do not be afraid to ask.
The Socked Guide to Pregnancy if you are not Prince William, Duke of Cambridge:
1. Do not attempt to become second in line to the throne by foul means. Treason is neither big nor clever, and no true gentleman would consider betraying his nation
2. Be attentive to your significant other’s needs, particularly in the early weeks of pregnancy when morning sickness is at its worst. We are not usually at home to shallow gestures, but the offer of a cup of tea from a gentleman with his heart in the right place helps enormously
3. Be ready to drop everything to be by her side at a moment’s notice. The true gentleman should be ready to respond, whatever the emergency, with poise, élan, and the offer of a nice cup of tea
4. Pregnancy involves a lot of shopping, often for clothes. Grin and bear it. Only the slob encourages her to go with her mother/sister/female friends instead.
5. Hone your DIY skills. There is a nursery to decorate, and while you’re at it, be a proper gentleman and offer to do the rest of the house
6. You may have been a lothario with a two-seater sports car to your name, but the true gentleman knows this is now completely useless as family life looms. Now’s the time to swallow your pride and get a nice Ford Focus. Don’t forget the baby seat.
7.The true gentleman will always offer to help with those middle-of-the-night feeds and nappy changes, so get your body clock used to the fact by getting up at three in the morning to watch the cricket
8. There will come a stage during the birth when you will be blamed for everything. We hate to be the bringer of bad news, but yes, she’s right
9. Don’t dress like a slob. The mother-to-be may be too tired and otherwise engaged to iron your shirts, but that is no excuse for slovenly behaviour. The gentleman irons his own shirts and does a good job of it
10. Really – don’t dress like a slob. A subscription from socked.co.uk will ensure that you have good, high-quality socks at all times.
And remember the Socked Way of Life at all times: Look like a gent. Act like a gent. Be a gent.