Simple Meals For Gentlemen: No.1 The One Pan Carbonara

The true gentleman – of course – has no need to cook for himself. He simply breakfasts on what kippers, toast, kedgeree, kidneys, chops, bacon, eggs, toasted cheese and strong fresh coffee his servants may bring for him as he rises in the morning. Then, he takes lunch with his friends or business acquaintances at a noted restaurant, before dinner with that scamp Wooster at the Drones Club; with perhaps more  kippers, toast, kedgeree, kidneys, etc as a snack before he retires.

However, this is no longer the 1920s, and there may come a time when a gentleman is faced with the need to cook for himself. Worse, he may also be expected to cook a meal for his gentlewoman. Faced with the daunting, alien environment of the modern kitchen, many a lesser gentleman has panicked and sent out for a takeaway, or purchased a ready meal from those damnably fine businessmen, Mr Marks and Mr Spencer. As fine as these meals may be, mark our words: This will not do.

Even the Swedish chef managed to impress his gentlewomen

As it happens, there are many simple recipes out there that even the most inept of would-be chefs can turn into the finest of meals for two. With the minimum of fuss, and with the cheapest of ingredients you’ve probably already got lying around, you shall – and will – eat like a King. And your gentlewoman will eat like a Queen, to boot.

We call this the One Pan Carbonara, for it is a carbonara that you cook in one pan.

Now, pay attention. This could save your life one day:

1. Cook enough tagliatelle (or any pasta) for two people. Put it to one side. Hint: You boil it.

2. Heat the now empty pan (see what we did there) and add one carton of Philadelphia spread. Stir until it’s runny.

3. Dice up the ham you were saving for your packed lunch, and put that in with a diced onion, some frozen peas and some frozen (or tinned) sweet corn. Keep stirring, and add some water if it looks a bit dry.

4. Stir in the pasta.

5. Serve to the admiring gasps of your gentlewoman.

We recommend a Californian white wine, even though it is still our firm belief that nothing good ever came from the colonies. However, two tins of the finest own brand lager will suffice, followed by a Vienetta, the dessert of Kings.

Pip pip!