Plain Socks

This scene is acted out every day in sock shops around the country:

“Excuse me, I’d like to buy a pair of helicopter socks”

“I’m sorry sir, we only have plane (plain)”

In all cases those involved are rounded up and sent to re-education camps for their crimes against jokes. However, they are correct in their assumption – the only socks that the true gentleman should be wearing are unpatterned, plain socks. Any other tempts the fates of fashion and sets the wearer outside the standards deemed acceptable to the true gentleman.

Despite this, there are still pitfalls for the gentleman looking to purchase a pair of plain socks. Colour consideration is chief amongst these, and wearing the wrong colour socks – much like wearing the wrong colours in gang areas of some cities – could lead to unintended consequences.

Simply strolling into work wearing a pair of red “power socks” can send out the wrong signals. Your boss – the Alpha Male in the office environment – will take this as a challenge to his (or her) authority, which will inevitably lead to conflict and a winner-takes-all duel in the car park. Also we stress a moment’s thought before pulling on your socks in the morning, it’s a simple mistake to make in the dark with sleep still in your eyes.

Also, wearing white socks will mark you down as a git.

Our advice is simple: Don’t take that risk. Step out every morning with a fresh pair of fine quality black socks from They send out one clear message: I am a gentlemen.

Celebrity Wearer: Newsreader Huw Edwards.