Novelty Socks

Want to look like a complete idiot? Then novelty socks are for you!

Conservative as we are about socks and there wearing thereof (black, cotton), we find novelty socks are an offence to feet the world over and should be discouraged.

However, we understand the need to buy a happy-go-lucky novelty gift for a friend ro family member, and to this end, socks exist that are plastered with cartoon characters, allegedly funny slogans (“Keep Calm and WEAR SOCKS”) and all sorts of weird and wacky designs.

The problem is that novelty socks rarely, if ever, hit the spot, and are therefore mostly unworn and unloved. And this makes up sad, because socks are for wearing.

A scientific study commissioned by – the subscription service which supplies fine, black cotton socks to gentlemen – finds that the average novelty sock is worn 0.57 times, before ending up in the back of the drawer or being send for recycling.

Novelty socks have their place in the celebration of birthdays, Christmas and other occasions, but they’re a huge waste of money and resources. Black socks, now, they’re socks for life.

Celebrity Wearer: Speaker’s wife Sally Bercow