October 12th 2012 | Comments

Man Flu

Man Flu 10,000 Times Worse Than A Female Cold. Is There A Cure?

It’s that time of the year again, when Man Flu strikes hard at the very heart of masculinity. Man flu is one of man’s greatest fears. It can strike at any time and render any man worse than useless.

 

Man Flu is an instant and debilitating disorder, which hits without warning, rendering healthy males completely listless and entirely incompetent at even the simplest of tasks. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the common cold, and lasts nearly twice as long as a hangover.

Sir Michael Knight ‘Nurse’ Rider – Moments after this happy photo was taken Man Flu struck rendering him useless

Self-diagnosis is the best means of determining if the subject has Man Flu, as in most cases, nobody will believe that he is actually suffering at all. Due to genetic differences, women are immune from Man Flu.

Symptoms of Man Flu (men)

• Sneezing and coughing

• Hunger pains

• Losing the ability to see (except the television)

• Losing the ability to walk (except to the fridge and back)

• Losing the ability to do anything except groan in agony when observed by others

• Inability to visit the in-laws for the weekend

Symptoms of Man Flu (women)

• Nothing at all

Mark Hall, Gentleman Creation Officer at socked commented: “If Man Flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party it will leave him weak, sick, aching all over with a tell-tale craving for sandwiches, a cold beer, TV and plenty of rest.”

While it is common knowledge that there is no cure for Man Flu, Socked has conducted research which shows the following conventional methods exhibit the most promising results:

Wet socks

1. Warm your feet in hot water,

2. Soak a pair of socks in cold water, wring them out and put them on.

3. Put a pair of dry socks over the wet ones and go to bed.

The wet socks will help draw blood to your feet, thereby boosting circulation, which helps clear congestion.

Lay down flat and watch TV

Research has shown that by just watching and listening to TV for 30 minutes can boost levels of Immunoglobulin A (IgA), which is an immune protein that plays a critical role in defending against further infection.

Drink beer

Beer contains theobromine, a component that suppresses nerve activity responsible for coughing and has been found to be three times more effective in stopping persistent coughs than codeine.

Further research  finds a lower rate of Man Flu in confident, well-turned-out gentlemen who demonstrate good manners both toward their partners and to the world about them. A Sock subscription is just the first step toward this healing process.

Sir Michael Knight contemplated life before Man Flu