Why Waste your time with Invisible Socks?

So what is all this nonsense I’ve been hearing about ‘invisible socks?’ For some strange reason unbeknownst to me, invisible socks are now becoming fashionable within the world of socks!

I hear statements of joy such as “I love my comfortable, invisible socks.” OR even more preposterous, “The fact that no one can see that I’m wearing socks is comforting to me.”

Hold on just a moment, old chaps. Did I hear that right?

How is it that ‘invisible’ socks are comfortable? How would one even contemplate being ‘comforted’ by something that clearly doesn’t exist except in the fictional world of a young and naïve Harry Potter? Absolutely ridiculous I tell you that not only do we support and promote this absurd idea of socks that cannot be seen with the naked eye, but we publicly state that they are “comforting to us”!

You can’t even tell that she’s wearing invisible socks! Marvelous

My esteemed friend and fellow gentleman Delo Mckown completely agrees with my sentiment, here is what he had to say on this matter:

“The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.”

Exactly my thoughts, quite clearly what is happening is that people are placing their faith in something that doesn’t exist! No gentleman worth his salt would fall for such a charade, please, invisible socks indeed!

If you ask me, these fools who think that touting invisible socks as footwear is tantamount to providing a service; have completely lost it. Upon seeing several mind boggling advertisements in my daily newspaper, I could take no more of this insanity and consulted a dear friend of mine.

My dear friend, author and journalist, Chuck Palahnuik put my mind at ease with this statement while he acted out the role of an invisible sock:

“If I can’t be beautiful, I want to be invisible.”

Finally, someone who understands! While his acting wasn’t quite up to scratch (how does one pretend to be an invisible sock?) those words were exactly what an invisible sock would say, should socks ever be granted the power of speech (god help us, if that happens!).

Clearly, these ‘socks’ are obviously so grotesque that they in fact, do not even exist except in the minds of their deranged creators and therefore my fellow gentlemen, pay these invisible socks no heed and go on about your business, lest you be labeled ‘out of it.’

Invisible sock indeed! What’s the world coming to when a well-meaning gentleman such as myself is offered a pair or even several pairs of socks that can’t be seen with the naked eye?

I need to go and contemplate this some more. Where’s my pipe?