January 23rd 2013 | Comments

How to Hold a Gnu

WARNING: A gnu is not a toy.

A gentleman should never need to hold or carry a gnu except under the most exceptional of circumstances. Even then, he should be aware of the extreme consequences that mishandling the animal could have both upon himself and those around him. For example: Injury, death and blackballed from the gentlemen’s club for a period of up to – but not exceeding – thirty days.

This is a Gnu it is different to a Gun

For all gnu and wildebeest and antelope of the genus Connochaetes, the general principles remain the same:

1. Go to the zoo

2. Hang around the wildebeest enclosure all day

3. Whenever you see a zoo keeper ask “Can I hold your gnu?”

4. Come back every day for a month until they relent and let you hold a gnu.

5. Hold the gnu, probably by some sort of bridle arrangement, we haven’t thought this far ahead to be honest

6. Go home via the pub, and brag about you gnu-holding prowess until you get thrown out

Congratulations, you’ve held your first gnu. To learn how to hold a Gun click here