November 2nd 2012 |
We have all been there, you’re enjoying a stroll through the local park enroute to the pub, when low and behold, you are confronted by an angry bull that has escaped from a nearby field. It’s a common problem and one that can become dangerous if not handled correctly.
Help what should I do!
Follow these simple steps to ensure your safety and to ensure you have a great story to tell when you arrive at the pub.
Upon spotting the angry bull, leave the park (or field) immediately and head for the public house and have a pint. Its always best to avoid confrontation bulls are massive and can and will eat you #poppycock
If you have no option but to go past the bull, then you must assess the situation. Look around, are there any cows around? Not only are these creatures great for making into burgers but they will also ensure that the bull wont be as aggressive as it would if it was out and about on its tod. Has the bull seen you? If so is he showing signs of aggressive behavior? These include putting its head down, arching his neck and hoofing the ground, if he is displaying these signs then you either need to bust out your matador skills or better yet, find a safe alternative route. Quickly yet calmly.
If you have no choice but to go past the bull, then keep a somewhat beady eye on the bull, but try to ensure you are out of his line of sight. The bull will respond to movement and it’s common knowledge that bulls do not like to be stared at.
If your sneaky bull bypass skills fail you and the angry bull charges at you, you must run, quickly, no time for a stroll here – simply peg it. Make for the nearest exit don’t try and climb a tree, chances are, you will fail and the bull will have its wicked way with you. It’s worth pointing out that if you have your dog with you, then let it off its lead and the dogs natural instincts should be to run away, not only will this ensure that your dog gets away and it is not slowed down by you, but your dog will also distract attention away from you.
Your legs have failed and you can’t run away from the bull. Don’t worry, all is not lost and this moment is the part where you don’t only get a great story to tell, but you probably have your beer bought for you also, well either that or your tomb stone will read “R.I.P killed by angry bull”
Take off an item of clothing, stand firm, hold it to one side and shake it. The bull will be transfixed on this and make for this area of movement.
Keep standing firm and keep shaking the item of clothing.
KEEP STANDING FIRM… stand firm until your nerves can not take it and the bull is almost near you and then fling the garment away from you and the bull will run after it. This will allow you a few seconds to run (and we mean RUN) away to your escape, the pub, the dog and a well deserved pint.