April 9th 2013 | Comments

How to choose the music for your funeral

Recent events have left us here at Socked pondering our own mortality. Death is something we ponder quite often, as the life-cycle of the low-quality novelty sock is a short one and it is our task to equip gentlemen with long-lasting quality footwear that – coincidentally – looks great at funerals.

The one thing we ponder most often is our funeral play list. While you’re not going to be in much of a position to hear it for yourself, the music you choose for your send-off is going to be the last thing your nearest, dearest, debtors and gloaters will remember you by.

Music for a funeral

To this end, you’re going to need (excuse the pun) at least three killer tracks for the ceremony – the entrance music, something in the middle, and the exit music as your mortal remains trundle down the conveyor to the oven.

You might think you can leave these things to those you leave behind, but rest assured they’ll mess it up, and you’ll enter eternity only be remembered by the Birdie Song, Robbie Williams’ Angels and My Heart Will Go On. People will look back on you not as a gentleman of impeccable taste, but like this: A git.

The pattern you should go for is this: Something classical – something inspiring – something uplifting. And when the old Grim Reaper comes to call these are our current choices:

Entrance music:
You’ll be wanting something quiet, respectful and certainly not “Mars: The Bringer of War” (unless you are a recently deceased member of a motorcycle gang, then have it your own way, man). We haven’t got the wit and imagination to listen to Classic FM and pick out a piece, but we know our ambient when we hear it. That’s why we’re being carried in shoulder high to Brian Eno’s An Ending

Music for the Eulogy: Sigur Ros – Hoppipola
Translating as “Jumping in Puddles”, it may be in Icelandic, but who cannot fail to be moved by its entire joyful message? Move Heaven and Earth to get them – somehow – to show the video. Believe you me, the punters will be in floods at the back.

Exit Music: The big one. We had my heart set on The Jam’s Going Underground, but that sort of dark humour is not the work of a gentleman. Instead, we went for something uplifting with a bit of class, and isn’t in those top ten lists of most popular funeral songs for people with no imagination. That’s why we’ve gone for Let’s Dance by David Bowie. The Thin White Duke wins, again.

A pretty inspired choice, we think you’ll agree, but one likely to change within a week after we change our minds yet again. Now for the vexed question of the Wake Party Mix Tape. Sex Pistols or no Sex Pistols? We’ve got nervous Great Aunts to offend.