August 14th 2012 | Comments

How To Become A Spy

If one was to take some time away from day to day stresses and spent some time deep in thought pondering what sort of man they wanted to be, there would only be one clear choice.

James Bond. A never ageing, millionaire playboy and super spy who excels in both wit and intelligence, has the ability to drink a never ending amount of vodka Martinis, shaken not stirred of course and who can take down any evil force single handed.

To become a spy you must have the ability to learn many new skills and possess certain characteristics that make you worthy of becoming a spy. Its not a job for the faint-hearted and shouldn’t be attempted until you are confident that you can drive an Aston Martin backwards at high speed while firing someone out of a projector seat.

If you are wishing to become a spy this will serve as a handy guide to the skills, requirements and characteristics it takes to become a world wide secret agent.

Unfortunately for some your path towards becoming a spy will end here, as these are the most common character traits and skill sets amongst spies. The majority of these are not skills you can learn, you must be born already in the possession of them if you want to become the master of all spies.

Brain Power

The data gained by spying is called “intelligence” for a good reason. Every mission will call for for different skill set and you will have to learn, acquire and then put into action new found abilities in record time.

Have No Fear

Spying is not for the weak minded, as a spy you will put yourself in a number of dangerous situations, armed with only your wits and spy skills to save you from danger. You must ask yourself the question: Do I have what it takes to become a spy?

Think Fast, Act quick

A secret agent will find themselves in a variety of different situations, each one with its own unique problems that call for individual solutions. Unfortunately Q will not be at hand to provide you with a life saving super gadget, so you will have to be creative and make do with whatever means you have at your disposal.

Fancy Dress And Make Up Skills

A spy must be able to pass over top secret information and integrate themselves into different situations without been spotted or caught. To make this possible nothing is as important as a spy’s disguise.

Curiosity Killed The Cat Not The Spy

As all good spies know, you must be on high alert and remain both curious and vigilant at all times. You will have an inner voice that tells you to go check out all things potentially interesting, suspect or dangerous.

Dress Like A Gentleman

If you were not a spy you would be model, you will own a wardrobe full of designer suits and casual attire, such as a collection of cashmere black turtle neck sweaters, not only do these cover up and show off your upper body but they will also serve as excellent camouflage. Which is great for those tricky situations, such as having to scale a 80 story building in the middle of the night.

A Steel Liver

Being a spy is a dangerous tough job, with long hours and no sleep. Secret agents earn the right to a few stiff drinks both before, after and during a mission.

Sex Appeal

Secret agents will not just simply want to have sex, but they will posses a natural charm that will make other people want to have sex with them, at all times and in all situations. This may or may involve bower hats, deserted beaches or underwater volcano hide outs.

This chap failed the spy test

Weapons Knowledge

Obviously, to make it as a spy you have to possess a huge arsenal of different weapons, and know how to use them. This will include been handed never before seen or tested technology and having the ability to use it perfectly every time. Practice shots are not required nor allowed.

Driving skills

Spy’s have the knowledge to take control of any vehicle or moving object. The more powerful, complex and insane the mechanics and gadgets are the better.