October 31st – the day the dead and the cursed souls come back and stalk the Earth. As big fans of Zombies, we enjoy Halloween as much as the next man, providing he’s making no attempt to make a meal of your fresh, spicy brains. But what has Halloween got to do with socks? Everything, dear reader, everything.
The first Halloween took place in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 amidst the infamous witch trials that resulted in the deaths of many women, exactly none of whom were witches. Accused of peddling “cursed socks” to local farmers and gentry which made the wearer dance to the very tunes of Satan himself, mass hysteria took hold, and any seller of socks in the region was accused of witchcraft, forced to undergo Trial By Sock (from which it was impossible to emerge either alive or not guilty), and put to death in the most heinous way possible, possibly involving socks.
Every Halloween thereafter, townsfolk would go to their neighbours’ doors chanting “Trick or Treat”, until they were given socks certified curse-free by local clergy who also controlled the local sock monopoly and charged exorbitant sums for their shoddy footwear.
The tradition continues today, through the medium of mail order, where the purchaser may waste their money a pair of novelty Halloween socks that are never, ever worn, and are a complete waste of time and effort as the Salem Witch Trials. Only with fewer deaths, obviously.
Instead, for a proper spooky effect, why not by a subscription from socked.co.uk? Good quality, great value, and – above all – as black as the grave.
Celebrity Wearer: Theopholus Monkfish (Witch-fynder, sock merchant)