Colour Burst Socks

Colour Burst Socks

Socks are meant to be black. In some circumstances, we will allow very dark blue, or the odd bit of brown. So, sir, why in the name of all that is holy, are you wearing pink socks?

The trend toward colour burst socks – a range of footwear available in pastel shades – disturbs us immensely. While we have no intention on impinging on people’s freedom to wear whatever shade of sock they please, we cannot sit idly by and watch grown gentlemen – and gentlewomen – appearing in public, their modesty shredded by poor sock choice. Worn by young, anti-fashion hipsters, pastel socks a cheap, cheerful and are not going away any time soon.

There may be a slight defence if the socks are being worn as an ironic “anti-fashion” statement, but the trouble is that these so-called hipsters are usually 100 per cent earnest in their irony and it hurts our brains even thinking about what’s going on. If you want to dress like Where’s Wally, get a stripy red-and-white hat to go with the matching socks and be done with it, we say.

Our only hope against these orange sock-wearing hordes is to outnumber them. Join the fight for sanity in socks by taking out a subscription for sensible, quality gents’ black socks from We can win this war, one pair of feet at a time.

Celebrity Wearer: Alan “Chatty Man” Carr.