Bed Socks

In these days of never-ending winter, humanity is striving to keep itself warm. Most people set fire to stuff, a scorched Earth policy that is stripping the world of its resources for which we bear no little responsibility, for not a single tree stands within two miles of the Socked offices.

And then, sitting in the office in swimming trunks and fine black cotton socks in front of a blazing fire, it struck us: Why not simply wear more clothes? This was a concept so radical, we immediately put on a T-shirt an immediately gave it some thought.

The idea of wearing more clothes to stay warm is a new one for humanity, and was only seized upon in the 1970s when Henry Winkler removed his leather jacket and remarked how much colder he was. From that day on, the Fonz was cool, but the rest of the planet learned an important lesson.

Bed socks, then, are a superb addition to one’s night-time wardrobe on a cold night. There are no hard and fast rules, but we would advise that this would be the ideal opportunity to wear those novelty socks you got for your birthday which have never been worn, bearing in mind that you will never have to put them on in public.

We would advise, however, not wearing the same socks at night as you wear during the day, for that is the easiest road to smelly feet and your eventual casting out from polite society.

For daytime wear, we recommend a pair of black cotton socks, available at remarkably cheap prices from

Celebrity Wearer: Henry ‘The Fonz’ Winkler